Alienation of your child.
Every Court Order (temporary and final) and every Settlement Agreement/Parenting Plan has language and mandates to encourage a loving, positive relationship between the child and parent.
The mandatatory Parenting Class you must complete for your Divorce focuses on each parent encouraging a positive child/parent relationship with the other. It is unfortunate and tragic when your spouse chooses to alienate your child against you. They will be able to do so quite effectively.
There are many different types of alienation that range from very subtle to direct IN YOUR FACE.
An example of SUBTLE ALIENATION could be the simple fact that one parent is very hurt because they do not want the divorce and the child becomes aware of this. Throw in a girlfriend or boyfriend into the equasion and the child will naturally side with the "hurting" parent (or the parent with whom they are closer.) The age of the child is an important factor, but the relationship with the parent who wants the divorce will be scarred forever. I assure you this is painful for all parties involved.
Then we have INTENTIONAL ALIENATION, where the parent who does not want the divorce encourages the child to take sides. Whether they are aware that this is happening or not, that parent is responsible because it is happening on their watch. The parent or child who take sides is in effect saying WE ARE A PACKAGE DEAL—BOTH OR NONE. The problem here is with the divorcing parent who already has the divorce mindet and cannot or will not make that choice, so by default it is NONE.
And then you have what is regarded as DIRECT ALIENATION—your mother or father is the devil.
The sad truth is you can pay me a lot of money, and after a couple of years of litigation, we will finally obtain an Order from the Court finding Contempt and Alienation and probably an Order to pay some of your fees and costs. But by this time, the permanent damage is done.
Even if the Court has ordered supervised visitation for the alienating parent and child, the child may be a teenager who may simply "run away" from your home, or push for a change in physical custody. It just gets messier, and creates even more trauma for your child and nothing resembling “the best interest of the child. A gordian knot or catch 22, so to say. Your relationship with your child will be badly damaged by the time the Court can intervene. This is just reality, partly due to budget restrictions with the Courts, a shortage of Judges for divorce cases and subsequently, cases being gravely backlogged.
You, of course, can stick up for principle and sue the alienating parent. If you have the money, it is important to hire an attorney who knows how to litigate against a narcissistic or mentally unstable parent. As with many marital-legal issues, first pursue practical solituons, such as counseling for your child. Discuss with your attorney how to obtain such Order in an efficient manner.
OR
you can try putting out a dish of milk and just wait, making sure your words match your actions and your actions match your words. Your child will (hopefully, possibly) observe you in a new light and decide to sip from that dish of milk, accepting what they see as the real you. Slowly your relationship can improve and possiblly become stronger from the experience, because both of you had to actually fight for it.
Life is very long and there are decades ahead where being a good parent and attaining a loving parent/child relationship is still possible, once your child matures towards adulthood. In reality, this is around age 16 or so. Try to grasp that when you are caught in the moment of trauma and precise alienation, that (believe it or not) this too, shall pass. In the long run, you may develop an even stronger, deeper relationship with your child from the alienating experience.
If not, at least you fucking tried and you can use your experiences to help others. All that one really can do is just BE IN THIS MOMENT of time and proceed with honor and dignity. Do not be so arrogant as to assume you know more than the Universe. Has not the Universe always provided for you?
So yes, give thanks to your Maker right now.
Namasté.